Friday, March 02, 2007
Molly Ivins Got It Right (this time)
The late Molly Ivins, in my opinion one of the most loathsome creatures ever to slither the face of Mother Gaia, nevertheless was apparently capable of getting it right once in a while. But before I proceed with demonstrating exactly how she got it right (this time) I feel the need, yet again, to post my disclaimer about domestic political issues of the interpersonal/social kind.
1: Abortion is not a right any more than it is a right for me to double-tap you in the back of your head just because you're ahead of me in the shopping line and asking for ATM cash back. Despite whatever temptation I might feel, it would still be wrong for me to vent My Justice upon you. This issue is frequently mis-portrayed as a "personal matter" or one between a woman and her doctor. However, since there is a third person involved, usually called the fetus - or in Tony Soprano's words, "the mark" - those terms do not apply. And this is no more a personal choice or privacy issue than it would be if I personally chose to privately whack you. Even if I consulted with my physician first.
2: On real matters of personal conduct, or conduct between two or dozens of consenting adults, I am probably the most liberal person you know. Or libertarian - whichever way you'd like it.
2a: Though I don't use currently illegal drugs, I oppose laws against people choosing to poison themselves.
2b: While I am not gay, and wouldn't get married if I were, I do not object to gay marriage (mostly because I just don't care).
2c: Though I have never to my knowledge committed an act of sodomy (usual Tequila Exclusion Clause applies), I certainly oppose any law that puts anybody else's decision-making ahead of the decision-making of the sodomite - or sodomee - involved.
2d: I oppose laws against free trade. Among these free trade issues is the contractual agreements between consenting adults that include the exchange of sex for monetary consideration. Colloquially known as prostitution.
3: Whatever hasn't been specifically covered above, but falls under the same personal behavior umbrella, is something that should not be a matter of law, police action or politics.
Mostly because I just don't care. And also because I don't see how it makes a lot of goddamned sense to have 50 police personnel engaged in sniffing out Cheech Marin with a bag of Columbia's finest, or a dozen State Troopers staking out roadside rest areas looking for George Michael in a porta-potty, when they just might be a bit more useful looking for, oh say, this guy.
And speaking of narrow-minded assholes who would like to force others to conform to their personal sense of morality and propriety (though not on the level the dickhead shown above), and the reason for this blog, you might want to check out the little clip shown below. I do warn you, however, the content might be seen by some as profusely offensive. Especially if you object to seeing plastic formed in the shape of certain appendages, talk of such devices, or scrawny inbred self-hating-because-they're-secretly-queer bible-thumpers getting humiliated on the floor of the Texas House of Representatives.
(Isn't that guy's last name just friggin perfect for this? Hahahahaha!)
So that's right. In Texas, if you have more than five appliances of a pseudo-phallic nature, or you place your not-pseudo thingy in your wife's egress (but not, you'll note, if you place something plastic in your own egress... ... ... huh - makes ya wonder), then Judge Dredd is going to arrest yer offending Yankee ass and toss it, and the rest of you, in the hoosegow.
I don't know about you, but it just rankles the hell out of me for some dumbass nitwit with a drawl droning on about how he is going to decide for me what I can do in my own friggin house. And it's all so damn hypocritical, too. I mean, what subculture is responsible for bringing into our American lexicon the unique and chilling phrase:
The late Molly Ivins, in my opinion one of the most loathsome creatures ever to slither the face of Mother Gaia, nevertheless was apparently capable of getting it right once in a while. But before I proceed with demonstrating exactly how she got it right (this time) I feel the need, yet again, to post my disclaimer about domestic political issues of the interpersonal/social kind.
1: Abortion is not a right any more than it is a right for me to double-tap you in the back of your head just because you're ahead of me in the shopping line and asking for ATM cash back. Despite whatever temptation I might feel, it would still be wrong for me to vent My Justice upon you. This issue is frequently mis-portrayed as a "personal matter" or one between a woman and her doctor. However, since there is a third person involved, usually called the fetus - or in Tony Soprano's words, "the mark" - those terms do not apply. And this is no more a personal choice or privacy issue than it would be if I personally chose to privately whack you. Even if I consulted with my physician first.
2: On real matters of personal conduct, or conduct between two or dozens of consenting adults, I am probably the most liberal person you know. Or libertarian - whichever way you'd like it.
2a: Though I don't use currently illegal drugs, I oppose laws against people choosing to poison themselves.
2b: While I am not gay, and wouldn't get married if I were, I do not object to gay marriage (mostly because I just don't care).
2c: Though I have never to my knowledge committed an act of sodomy (usual Tequila Exclusion Clause applies), I certainly oppose any law that puts anybody else's decision-making ahead of the decision-making of the sodomite - or sodomee - involved.
2d: I oppose laws against free trade. Among these free trade issues is the contractual agreements between consenting adults that include the exchange of sex for monetary consideration. Colloquially known as prostitution.
3: Whatever hasn't been specifically covered above, but falls under the same personal behavior umbrella, is something that should not be a matter of law, police action or politics.
Mostly because I just don't care. And also because I don't see how it makes a lot of goddamned sense to have 50 police personnel engaged in sniffing out Cheech Marin with a bag of Columbia's finest, or a dozen State Troopers staking out roadside rest areas looking for George Michael in a porta-potty, when they just might be a bit more useful looking for, oh say, this guy.
And speaking of narrow-minded assholes who would like to force others to conform to their personal sense of morality and propriety (though not on the level the dickhead shown above), and the reason for this blog, you might want to check out the little clip shown below. I do warn you, however, the content might be seen by some as profusely offensive. Especially if you object to seeing plastic formed in the shape of certain appendages, talk of such devices, or scrawny inbred self-hating-because-they're-secretly-queer bible-thumpers getting humiliated on the floor of the Texas House of Representatives.
(Isn't that guy's last name just friggin perfect for this? Hahahahaha!)
So that's right. In Texas, if you have more than five appliances of a pseudo-phallic nature, or you place your not-pseudo thingy in your wife's egress (but not, you'll note, if you place something plastic in your own egress... ... ... huh - makes ya wonder), then Judge Dredd is going to arrest yer offending Yankee ass and toss it, and the rest of you, in the hoosegow.
I don't know about you, but it just rankles the hell out of me for some dumbass nitwit with a drawl droning on about how he is going to decide for me what I can do in my own friggin house. And it's all so damn hypocritical, too. I mean, what subculture is responsible for bringing into our American lexicon the unique and chilling phrase:
"Squeal Like A Pig!"
(hint: they wasn't no none of them fags from San Francisco y'all)
Comments:
Very funny post.
I, too, am a big believer in limited government. Abortion, for example, is not something I approve of—especially based on the “arguments” the pro-choice wingnuts are so fond of citing, or, rather, screaming as most of these arguments are nothing but ad hominem slogans—but abortion should not be illegal. However, if someone wants an abortion, they need to pay for it themselves because tax dollars should not be allotted to exterminate the accidents people were too stupid to prevent.
I also would take your stance on gay marriage (who gives a shit), but since a marriage is a legal agreement between two people and the state in which they reside, government gets involved. This, of course, can only lead to unnecessary complications when coupled with gay-rights special interest groups with an insatiable appetite for more and more rights they feel are owed them. Aside from healthcare issues and other legal issues surrounding gay marriage, some gays are already pushing to change the marriage-related lexicon. Certain groups already want to erase the terms “husband” and “wife” because these titles allude that a marriage is between a man and a woman. This is not politically correct and therefore bothers them like a sharp stick in the eye. Gay marriage is not so simple an issue as one would think at first glance.
If people want to be gay or insert vibrating crystal unicorns into their various orifices, that isn’t the government’s business, and I could care less so long as they leave me out of it. The video is a reminder why limited government is so important. This kind of crap is a monumental waste of time and resources. And it’s ridiculous on so many levels it’s downright embarrassing. Although I can’t help but wonder what the penalty would be for robbing a bank with ten dildos in Texas.
Yes, a Georgian did pen the immortal line “Squeal like a pig!” not a SF pillow-biter. However, that is most likely because SF gays are almost always vegetarians and would be morally opposed to making a pig squeal.
I, too, am a big believer in limited government. Abortion, for example, is not something I approve of—especially based on the “arguments” the pro-choice wingnuts are so fond of citing, or, rather, screaming as most of these arguments are nothing but ad hominem slogans—but abortion should not be illegal. However, if someone wants an abortion, they need to pay for it themselves because tax dollars should not be allotted to exterminate the accidents people were too stupid to prevent.
I also would take your stance on gay marriage (who gives a shit), but since a marriage is a legal agreement between two people and the state in which they reside, government gets involved. This, of course, can only lead to unnecessary complications when coupled with gay-rights special interest groups with an insatiable appetite for more and more rights they feel are owed them. Aside from healthcare issues and other legal issues surrounding gay marriage, some gays are already pushing to change the marriage-related lexicon. Certain groups already want to erase the terms “husband” and “wife” because these titles allude that a marriage is between a man and a woman. This is not politically correct and therefore bothers them like a sharp stick in the eye. Gay marriage is not so simple an issue as one would think at first glance.
If people want to be gay or insert vibrating crystal unicorns into their various orifices, that isn’t the government’s business, and I could care less so long as they leave me out of it. The video is a reminder why limited government is so important. This kind of crap is a monumental waste of time and resources. And it’s ridiculous on so many levels it’s downright embarrassing. Although I can’t help but wonder what the penalty would be for robbing a bank with ten dildos in Texas.
Yes, a Georgian did pen the immortal line “Squeal like a pig!” not a SF pillow-biter. However, that is most likely because SF gays are almost always vegetarians and would be morally opposed to making a pig squeal.
"However, that is most likely because SF gays are almost always vegetarians and would be morally opposed to making a pig squeal."
Heh. I've been on hiatus over the last month, and the first thing I got to read upon my return was your post. Thanks for that.
We'd disagree on the abortion issue, but that's because I define the "human" part of human rights further down (up?) the rabbit hole than some others do... not because of any religious "reasoning" - I so love oxymorons.
But you take a very practical slant on the gay rights issue... especially on the overreach aspect of it. I have no problem (and am quite in favor of) ensuring that gays have the same rights as do I. But I don't have the liberty to march down the street in nothing but my pasty white skin, so I don't see the validity in their pursuit of what I'd call extra "rights" they so often claim.
There are always the gray areas, of course, such as introducing homosexual themes in sex education and the like. But, for the most part, if some teacher wants to stand in front of a mob of adolescents and tout the benefits of a gay lifestyle... well, we already know what their day is going to be like. School kids are not so nearly impressed with Political Correctness as are their "more sophisticated" parents.
Or, rather, they're not nearly so intimidated.
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Heh. I've been on hiatus over the last month, and the first thing I got to read upon my return was your post. Thanks for that.
We'd disagree on the abortion issue, but that's because I define the "human" part of human rights further down (up?) the rabbit hole than some others do... not because of any religious "reasoning" - I so love oxymorons.
But you take a very practical slant on the gay rights issue... especially on the overreach aspect of it. I have no problem (and am quite in favor of) ensuring that gays have the same rights as do I. But I don't have the liberty to march down the street in nothing but my pasty white skin, so I don't see the validity in their pursuit of what I'd call extra "rights" they so often claim.
There are always the gray areas, of course, such as introducing homosexual themes in sex education and the like. But, for the most part, if some teacher wants to stand in front of a mob of adolescents and tout the benefits of a gay lifestyle... well, we already know what their day is going to be like. School kids are not so nearly impressed with Political Correctness as are their "more sophisticated" parents.
Or, rather, they're not nearly so intimidated.
